Helper Does Not Mean Servant

I am not a feminist.

Sorry to disappoint some of you.

I am also not a misogynist, so there ya go.

I grew up in a tradition that taught female subordination to male headship.  Male was created first, female to be his helper.  With this in mind, it was obvious that the Bible called women to be servants to men; specifically wives to their husbands.  This is what I knew.

But is that what Genesis really says?

What Do I Mean By Complementarian?

Hello, my name is Matt and i am a Complementarian.


WHEW!  It feels good to finally just come out and say it.  And I have to admit that it is true, at the deepest part of my being I believe that husband-wife relationships are best described as complementary.  I know many of you who read this may have very strong negative connotations about this word and concept, but please, let me explain myself.


Basically, there are five things that play into my view of marital relationships as complementary:


1. I believe that men and women are intrinsically different.

I think we can look at the natural world and the creation account in Genesis and see that we are created to be two halves of one humanity.  Women are not created to be men and men are not created to be women.  There are things that make men think, work, and act differently than women think, work, and act.  This does not place one as better than the other, just different.


2. I believe all human relationships require some level of complementarianism.

The concept of absolute equality in decision making, for example, is a myth.  It cannot happen.  Someone must naturally take the lead in any relationship.  It is imperative that as humans, we learn how to be both the leader and follower for different moments and roles that we will find ourselves filling in life.


3. I believe love leads to complementary relationships.

Only when I am in a relationship for myself and my well-being am I worried about having my fair share of power.  Marriage is not about me.  Marriage is about love.  Love leads me to look to the good of the other--to see how I can come alongside and complement the work God is already doing in them.  Love leads to complementary relationships.

Yes, I am a complementarian.  The truth is that I am also an egalitarian, but that discussion can wait until tomorrow.

What do you think?  Are you a complementarian?  What makes you embrace this view of marriage?  Does your marriage look this way in practice, or just theory?

Driscoll's Problem Is Calvin, Not Complementarianism

Mark Driscoll is a perfect storm of controversy.  Great popularity, widely available media, and unpopular opinions have led to him being lambasted by a great deal of internet bloggers.

Especially since Driscoll's most recent book, Real Marriage, hit the shelves Driscoll has faced a great deal of opposition.  Driscoll's view of complementarian marriage is the focal point of the fire.  Marriage, many would say, is meant to be a 100% equal relationship with no leader but Christ.  Pastor Mark's suggestion of male authority--very much in line with much of the traditi  on of Christianity--has been met with an unequaled amount of criticism.

I must pause to ask the simple question:  Why?  Why is Mark Driscoll's view of masculine hierarchy so distasteful to us?  I would suggest that it is not the idea of masculine leadership that angers us, but the type of masculine leadership.

Driscoll's view of marriage is one of absolute, totalitarian male leadership.

And it is not Mark's fault.

It is Calvin's.

John Calvin took the authority and omnipotence of God to mean that God must control every aspect of every detail of his creation.

According to Calvin:

1. Your will is bent and swayed by God to fit his every purpose.
2. You do not make a single daily decision without it being first decided by God.
3. That God, for no purpose that we as humans are privy to, chose to forgive some and reject others.
4. That God's grace, once sent to an individual, is absolutely irresistible.  You could not even begin to fight it.
5. That God, though outwardly despising sin, was actually the author of sin, and created it for his secretive purposes in the world.

Yes, this is the way that Calvin viewed God.  This is what Calvinism suggests.  It suggests that since God has power, he uses it absolutely.  It suggests that since God has authority, he wields is coldly and viciously.

Is it any wonder that a man reading the Bible through this lens would suggest an authoritarian male leadership in the home?  Can we really blame Mark Driscoll for teaching a natural product of his theology.

The truth, however, is that God did not come as a dictator, but a servant.  The image of the invisible God came and became nothing.  The leader who led from the basement instead of the penthouse.  He was the king who chose love over authority.

What might a marriage look like that embraces a better picture of the God of Scripture?  How does our view of God imprint itself on our view of leadership, marriage, parenting, etc?