Yesterday a tragedy occurred over at one of my favorite blogs. Tamara Lunardo committed what many will consider to be one of the greatest blasphemies possible. She claimed that Reese's cups are better than Reese's eggs.
I know! This is a tragedy. I thought that strange heresies and crackpots ended with the enlightenment, but here we are again. She has threatened to throw the world back into the dark ages of chocolate-peanut butter relations...
But there is hope. I am here to defend our cherished belief. For all of you who are with me, but are just not sure how to frame your arguments about the supremacy of Eggs over the traditional cups, allow me to make a few suggestions:
1. Go on the offensive: If you love the chocolate that much why don't you just eat a Hershey bar? Do not let the opponent begin to poke holes into your own theories, keep the attack up. We wouldn't be American or Christian if we let the other side have a say!
2. Use the ingredient list to your advantage: The wonderful thing about the ingredient list is that it points to the purity of the peanut butter over the complexity of the chocolate. When the only ingredients in the peanut butter are peanuts, salt, and sugar, you are pretty safe. Not so with the chocolate made of soy lecethin and PGPR...that's right PGPR.
3. When in trouble challenge their intelligence: Only a complete MOH-RON would think that the cup can hold its own against the egg! Are you a MOH-RON?
4. Make it religious: The egg is designed and built for the most holy holiday in all of Christianity. So if you were wondering WWJD, the answer is he would eat the egg that was built to honor him, not the cup that is made to benefit the wealthy CEO of the Hershey company!
With all this said, I would like to issue a statement of peace. Even though Tamara and those like her are HORRIBLY wrong about this issue, can we please agree to get along? We are entering the season of Lent, a time when tempers will already be flaring because of the lack of meat for Catholics, and the many people who will give up coffee, soda, or any number of other things. Can't we agree to sit down together and enjoy peace while passing between us the eggs and cups alike? Can't we agree that the best time to answer this question is in heaven, with Jesus, who will choose the eggs and banish the cup-lovers to the back row of heaven's church to sit among the Baptists?
Fine, let's settle it in the comment section below!