Reasons

If you have read my blog regularly, you know that I believe love is so much bigger than emotionalism, commitment, compatibility, or chemistry. I believe that love can only be defined by its cost, its pricelessness. Love takes a toll, and it eventually erodes who we are completely, making us into something else.

Something bigger.

What makes us love? What has brought me to a point of willingly losing myself?

I have only two loves that bring me to lose myself, my Savior and my wife.

Today I share thoughts as to what brings me to give up myself for my wife:

I love her for her eyes. This is not gushy sentimentalism, her eyes are true art--beauty that has depths I cannot describe. I cannot look into her eyes without giving up a bit of myself.

I love her for her conviction. In this she stands well over me.

I love her for her forgiveness.

I love her for her beauty.

I love her for her music. Music has always led me to give of myself more than anything, and her sharing her music with me, it provides a wellspring for my love.

I love her simplicity. Saying what she means, meaning what she says.

I love her reliance and self-reliance. I cannot really explain this, but she needs me, but also is self-reliant, and I am the same.

I love her creativity (which she doesn't think she has!)

I love her compassion.

I love her ability to bake (can anything else make me want to sacrifice quite like a fresh loaf of bread?)

I love her work ethic.

I love her worldview.

I love her ability to challenge me.

I love that she hates reading my blog, but supports me writing it

I love that she points me to my other love

I love that she is an anchor for my restlessness

Bottom line: I love my wife. I am sure there are many wonderful, godly women out there, but only this one was crafted in such a way that i willingly walked away from myself to be hers.

What do you love about your wife? What do you love about your husband?

Selflessness

A few posts ago, I offered a few options of new post ideas that I may research, think about, and eventually post upon. I listened to those who have made requests, and I will begin two new sets of posts this week. Either tomorrow or Friday I will post about Jesus curious actions and words in the gospel of Mark (NT studies is one of my great loves after all).

Today, however, I want to talk about marriage. Specifically, I want to give you some basic advice for marriage:

Marriage is NOT a compromise.

Give and take is a lie. 50-50 doesn't work. Push and pull is not God's design.

This has been one of the most common pieces of "advice" I have received from the older, more seasoned marriages that surround me. Compromise, meet her halfway, etc.

I see two problems:

First, it doesn't work! Only a few years ago, my wife and I were trying to buy a house (we succeeded!). We had to set up meetings and work out a contractual agreement for the buying of the house between us and the former owners. The idea is simple: find a middle ground that would satisfy both parties. The problem was, we wanted a little more than fifty-fifty. We wanted to know that we had won the negotiations.

When we aim at 50-50, both parties always stop at 40 and fight for the rest.

Second, I don't believe God desires us to set up our marriages as 50-50 business deals. One example:

"and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ, Wives to your own husbands as to the Lord...Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." -Ephesians 5

There is no room for 50-50 here. This is the hand you go all in. Every chip you have is on the table. Every bit of you is expended, not in the pursuit of yourself, but in the pursuit of your spouse. This is a 100-100 marriage. A God honoring emptying of self in pursuit of another's God-centered joy.

I have never been happier than when I stop thinking about myself. I have never been disappointed when I look to give my wife 100% of what she needs. Her dreams become my desire. Her spiritual life is the garden I help cultivate. Her heart is the treasure I desire to keep.

And let me tell you, you never lose, even when your spouse isn't 100% for you. And when they are for you, all in, both are pushing each other to Paradise.

There is no room for self in marriage.

Lord, empty me in a way that I can best serve my wife. Amen.